I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
