We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
