$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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