You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
