Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We talked him into tasing himself.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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