If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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