Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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