I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
