this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
