i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
