textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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