i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
