Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
