Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
