i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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