I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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