She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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