how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
