Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
