how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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