Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Small penises have feelings too.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
