Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
