We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize