Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
