you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
