Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
