So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
