But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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