i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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