Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
