my mouth tastes like poor choices
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
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just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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