I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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