Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
