Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
