I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
