I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
