He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When are your genitals available?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
