My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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