I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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