She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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