this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
