Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
