my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
