Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
