Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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