There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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