Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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