Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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