dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
