We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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