I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
