I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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