I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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