I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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