At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We had to coat check the pizza.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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