i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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