sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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