next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
