When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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