Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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