in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
