Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
