you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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