she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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