Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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