I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
