I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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