he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
