Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
