YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
