You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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