its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
