i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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