just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
