We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
