and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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