I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
